“J’ai pu lâcher mon perfectionnisme et mes illusions qui avaient fait de ma vie une prison.”
J’ai 62 ans. Mère de 3 enfants, divorcée. Avant de commencer à méditer j’ai vécu de nombreuses années de stress, de contrôle, de perfectionnisme, de travail acharné, de fatigue, de manque de sommeil liées à mes attentes de reconnaissance et de réussite professionnelle. Je devais être parfaite partout. Un cercle vicieux infernal puisqu’il n’y a jamais de satisfaction dans ce monde. Dès que j’arrivais à atteindre un but, le suivant m’attendait et ainsi de suite. Gagner de l’argent, être un modèle parfait de mère, gravir les échelons de la hiérarchie, un tunnel sans fin, sans répit, culpabilité de négliger ma famille, pas avoir du temps pour moi, pour les gens que j’aime, pour savourer la vie, du temps pour rien, courir… courir… devenir une machine à production, une machine à faire.
Tout ceci pour qui ? Pour quoi ? Puisqu’on ne retire aucun bénéfice, aucun bonheur réel.
Lorsque j’ai réalisé cet état de fait, j’ai cherché le bonheur un peu partout, dans la lecture, dans les religions, dans la spiritualité, du soufisme au bouddhisme, du yoga au reiki, j’ai parcouru les enseignements, les pratiques, les stages. Oui je comprenais que la joie et la sérénité existent, oui je comprenais intellectuellement tous ces enseignements qui parlent de l’amour, qui se rejoignent et se ressemblent sans pour autant permettre de devenir moi-même la paix, sans ressentir la joie ni la légèreté tant promise dans mon cœur.
C’est à ce moment-là qu’une amie m’a parlé de cette méditation qu’elle pratiquait à Perth en Australie. J’ai cherché le centre le plus proche de Genève qui se trouvait à Paris.
Quelle rencontre magnifique. Cette méthode simple est très efficace. Elle a changé ma vie. Que dis-je… elle m’a sauvée.
Aujourd’hui, Je suis une autre femme, légère et heureuse. J’ai une énergie à en revendre, et je me sens tellement plus jeune. J’ai pu lâcher mon perfectionnisme et toutes mes illusions qui avaient fait de ma vie une prison. Je croyais vivre mais je suffoquais. Je suis sortie de mon enfer et je peux témoigner aujourd’hui que l’on peut vivre, travailler, aider, s’amuser, tout simplement savourer la vie dans la joie, la sérénité et la légèreté. On peut être entourée de stress, de gens stressés et énervés et rester soi-même zen, en toute tranquillité intérieure. On peut faire face à des situations difficiles avec la même sérénité. J’ai compris enfin le vrai sens des enseignements que j’avais lu auparavant.
Mais qu’est-ce qui est changé en fait ? J’ai découvert la vrai Vie, j’ai enlevé les lunettes de mes illusions et POUF! ma vidéo s’est arrêtée. J’ai compris que j’avais vécu toutes ces années dans mes scénarii, dans mes vidéos, dans mes photos. J’étais en plus l’auteur, le scénariste, le cameraman et l’actrice principale de toutes mes illusions. J’étais enfermée dans mes convictions, mes concepts, mes habitudes, mes savoirs, mes responsabilités, mes croyances, mes enfants, mon travail, ma maison, ma… mon… mes… et tournais en rond… J’avais vécu toute une vie dans ma tête, dans mon esprit.
Quel bonheur de me réveiller de mon rêve après 58 ans. Mais tant qu’on rêve on ne sait pas qu’on vit dans son rêve. C’est au moment du réveil que j’ai compris ! Wow ! ce n’était qu’un long, très long rêve. Et ma vie a changé.
Ma vie aujourd’hui est telle une rivière qui coule tranquille et sans soucis. Elle sait d’où elle vient, elle sait où elle va, elle sait que sur son chemin elle trouvera tout ce dont elle aura besoin. Elle traversera des obstacles mais avancera avec confiance jusqu’à se fondre dans sa source.
This meditation is? “simple and so powerful”
Before meditation, the life I have lived from the outside looked good. Perhaps to the eyes of the people around me I was happy and confident with family, school and work but I was very worried and always felt pressured within. I always had this need to please everyone and was obsessed about maintaining an image for a good person in front of others. I was always hiding behind my fake smiles and heavy make-up, covering myself up to be perfectly good. Through the meditation I realized that this was all because I was so worried about how the world saw me. I was so worried that I never wore white socks or bright colors because people could then see how dirty my feet were. I felt as if the world was judging me for every little thing about me. My insecurities always overwhelmed me that I was haunted with insomnia.
However, reflecting back at my life, the meditation has really helped me see that I was only living inside this bubble. I was stuck inside a place where I cared only about my self-centered views and comparing myself and wanted to become better with my own standards that I had made to myself. Now that I look back at myself, I was so ridiculous! Riddling myself with so many worries.
I have done the meditation from level 2 in Korea, so I have not yet met people that know of the old me. However, even the people here say that from the time I’ve been here that I look brighter. I see my own change too, my insomnia is gone and I dance around in whatever colored socks, without makeup. When I no longer rely on the opinion of others, I feel much stronger and free. The greatest gift the mediation has allowed me is to allow me to see that the world does not spin around me. I have been living only for myself. For me, the greatest part of this meditation is to see reality, the true world, outside of my bubble.
You start to see yourself, the way you are in all aspects of your life
The cool thing about this meditation method is that it has this ability to show you who you are from a much bigger perspective than yourself. It is really hard to see yourself as yourself, so the method has this way of showing yourself from a bigger perspective. Then you get to reflect on yourself on how you actually are and you see things in yourself. And I saw things in myself that I did not realize that I had before the method. I think that is one of the biggest strength of this meditation. Speaking from my own experience, I found it really hard to bring big changes within myself but this method has helped me get rid of my habits and useless negative thoughts.
I am definitely happier now and also just more relaxed. I feel better within myself and that is the best way to define happiness for me. Also, I am more focused. I mean I work with computers and it is important to have patience and really be able to focus throughout the day. I work with my head the whole day, thus it is so important to be able to be relaxed within myself. Not always trying to move, not always thinking about something else, just staying put; and the meditation has definitely helped me with that.
The meditation has also improved me as a husband and father. One problem that I think in many relationships I find is; you have this expectation of the other to give you something the whole time. You want to get something from that person. And I think the meditation has changed that perspective for me and my wife. It is now more about putting in the work yourself without underlying expectations for one another. Also, this meditation has changed the way I see my children. I seem them more as the way they are than I did before as a parent and as a father. There was a certain bias that came with the strong attachment that I had for my children. Getting rid of that, I think you start to see your family in a more realistic way. This is also good for the kids, because they feel that and they feel actually more relaxed around me.
The difference in my life … can be described with one word: Gratitude.
I don’t have any dramatic life story to tell. From the outside, my life looks quite ordinary. I grew up in a safe environment in a suburb in the outskirts of Stockholm. I had friends, a Nintendo video game and everything a kid could wish for. My family was not religious and relatively open-minded, so I was free to make my own life decisions. I graduated from university and got a job at an IT company and thought I would be happy but, in my mind, I was never truly happy. Every time I achieved something that I wanted, I just wanted something else, something more. I was constantly stuck in my thoughts with my wandering mind. I was always wondering, stuck in my own thoughts, asking myself why I had so many thoughts in my head. I tried so many different things to find an answer but everything I tried only gave me a temporary release.
Though very quickly I realized by doing this meditation that this thinking was about myself and the reason that I think so much and why I was so stressed was because I was caring only about myself. For me, I used to carry things that were unnecessary. I knew that ruminations were unnecessary and bad for me but I didn’t want to nor know how to let go. However, through this meditation method I learnt how to truly let go of the worries and thoughts and to me that is true relief.
Now, there is a huge difference between the me before and the me now. Before, I needed so many things in life to be happy. I needed my hobby and I needed to have certain people in my life. I thought I needed a lot of things. Now I have no worries about the future so with this mind I can just live and the universe will take care of things for me. Now I have also learned that when I sincerely care about others more than myself my stress fades away and I now know how to truly contribute to the world. The difference between my life before and after the meditation can be described with one word: Gratitude.
I feel so much gratitude for this meditation, for being able to let go, and for being able to confirm with my mind that I am fundamentally one with everything around me.
Be the change you want to see in the world
I think when I was born I chose 100% heart and zero head. I love people and love to help them. That has been part of my life for a long time and even the success in my career comes from it. However there came a point in my life where I sought for ways to help others but drove myself insane because I could not find a way to help the other. Once, one of my family members was suffering from depression. There was nothing that I could do to help and knowing that I couldn’t help that person brought me to an even deeper depression. However, once I started the meditation, I noticed a change in me. I realized that only I can change myself and only I can help myself. It was no longer about my need to help and improve others but it was more about being an example to the people who require the help. I found a way to show true compassion and love to others by helping myself. Everything I do and want to say in a short version is that ‘live by example and be the chance you want to see in the world.’
When I started the meditation in the U.S., my career grew a lot faster. People were nicknaming me as a “superstar” and I was awarded a title as the ‘Top 5 Person’ within my industry with a promotion of an executive VP. Though my career was successful I realized that my job made me so busy. I knew there were a lot of opportunities for me to grow through the meditation and I knew to gain something I needed to sacrifice something. Thus with a bold decision, I chose to go to Korea to invest in myself and it was not just a gold mine, but a diamond mine. I can see that most people who want to try the meditation are just so busy with their lives, but I wish they take a moment to invest in themselves to find what is that they truly want in their lives. For me, I just love who I am inside right now. The language and food was very different in Korea but it is nothing compared to the depth of the gratitude I have for the method because it has changed my whole entire life. Though the past 4 months of meditation in Korea, I was able get over my traumatic experiences in my past, conquer my phobias, and be free from the health conditions that has been following me all life. Many people tell me that I’ve changed a lot and tell me that I look brighter and younger.
At this point, my heart is full of joy and love and gratitude. So with this gratitude that is inside, I want to give this out to other people now, by being an example.